At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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