Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
