There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
