I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just cropdusted the office
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
