I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
