I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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