Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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