what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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