I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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