There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
