Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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