porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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