Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
