Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You are a genius and a whore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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