I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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