I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize