This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize