so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
