My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We need to rekindle our bromance
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
