Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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