My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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