do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize