i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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