Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
