We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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