'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
two words: eviction party
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
