shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just google imaged poop.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
