My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
