I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
