why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
