My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
