No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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