As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
