I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
