weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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