So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We got so high we made milksteak
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize