How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
