OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
