I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
