I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
