it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
