I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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