I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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