this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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