i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize