I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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