Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
