there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
