I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Barsexuality is the new black.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
