his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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