Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
