Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
