I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
