i will never coherently bang her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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