Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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