we're blogging at a bar
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We got so high we made milksteak
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
