At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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