I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
