listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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