she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
