Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
