I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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