Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
