the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
