you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
