3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize