fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
